25 Funny Quotes & Sayings About Fatherhood & Parenting

Oscar Wilde

May you die in bed at 95, shot by a jealous wife!
An Old Irish Toast

My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
Spike Milligan (Irish Comedian)

Fathers are biological necessities, but social accidents.
Margaret Mead (US Anthropologist)

Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.
Ray Romano (US Comedian)

Bob Monkhouse

I have always had the feeling I could do anything and my dad told me I could. I was in college before I found out he might be wrong.
Ann Richards (45th Governor of Texas)

There should be a children’s song ‘If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep’.
Jim Gaffigan (US Comedian)

The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf.

Bertrand Russell (British Philosopher)

To be a successful father there’s one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don’t look at it for the first two years.
Ernest Hemingway (Writer)

The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get
Tim Russert (US Broadcaster)

Barbara Kingsolver

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
Mark Twain (Writer)

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.
Jerry Seinfeld (Comedian)

Forget about surviving 40 years in the music business. Just surviving 27 years of Nicole Richie has been a struggle-and-a-half, I want to tell you. I stand here as a survivor, I want you to know, for all the parents out there.
Lionel Richie (US Singer)

My father was a statesman; I’m a political woman. My father was a saint. I’m not.
Indira Gandhi (Third Prime Minister of India)

A good father is one of the most unsung, unpraised, unnoticed, and yet one of the most valuable assets in our society.
Billy Graham (Evangelist)

You don’t have to deserve your mother’s love. You have to deserve your father’s. He’s more particular.
Robert Frost (Poet)

My father always used to say that when you die, if you’ve got five real friends, then you’ve had a great life.
Lee Iacocca (US Businessman)

Bill Cosby

A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he’s in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station.
Bill Cosby (US Actor)

If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.
Bill Cosby (and again)

Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.
Jon Stewart (US Broadcaster)

I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.
Harry S. Truman (33rd President of the United States)

A father carries pictures where his money used to be.
Unknown

About the author

Michael Green Michael Green is Manager of The Information about Ireland Site

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